A Festivus Airing of Grievances: Twins Edition

It’s December 23rd, which can mean only one thing….It’s Festivus! The Festivus Pole has been put up, and the Feats of Strength have been concluded, which means it’s time for everyone’s favorite ritual, The Airing of Grievances: Twins Edition.

And to quote Frank Costanza from “Seinfeld”, I’ve got a lot of problems with you people! And now you’re gonna hear about it!!

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Let’s get started, shall we?

Minnesota Twins marketing and promotions – It was NOT a good year for you. There was the whole “What brand of car do you associate the Twins with?” debacle. There was the gaffe on Facebook where you let a Personal Injury Attorney group post on your site (quickly redacted). “Chuck Knoblauch Hall of Fame Night” (more on this shortly). You promoted something called Vaski to perform during a game, which most resembled a rave at a 17 year old’s house that was enjoyed by about 19 people. And the list goes on and on.

Chuck Knoblauch – You being arrested for assaulting your wife is despicable enough, but throw in the fact that you were scheduled to be inducted into the Twins’ Hall of Fame just a couple weeks afterward just spotlighted it even more. Thanks for bringing negative attention to not only yourself, but to the team that wanted to celebrate you but HAD TO CANCEL your own induction ceremony…and by all accounts being a pretty terrible human being.

Ricky Nolasco – You signed a 4 year, 49 million dollar contract, the largest ever free agent signing for the Twins, and you were quite simply putrid in 2014. You were 6-12 with a 5.38 ERA. You were sometimes hurt, you were sometimes healthy, but you were always terrible this year.

Terry Ryan – Since you were the one to sign Nolasco. You were also the one who had an opening day rotation that included Mike Pelfrey and Kevin Correia. You also chose to bring up low-rated prospects like Yohan Pino and Logan Darnell to fill-in as injury replacements instead of top prospects Alex Meyer and Trevor May midway through the season. You pinned your entire centerfield hopes on Aaron Hicks without any sort of backup plan. Let’s just move on before Festivus passes us by, shall we?

Joe Mauer – Remember during the offseason how everyone said that moving you to first base would help you stay healthy and enable you to hit for more power and average? You had 10 more plate appearances in 2014 than the year before and you hit for career LOWS in batting average, OPS, Slugging %, and On-Base %. Remind me again why we moved you to first base?

Scott Boras – Mostly because any airing of grievances feels incomplete without including you.

Rick Anderson – I know, I know…you’re no longer with the organization, but this is my airing of grievances so you get included. It’s never a good thing when multiple former pitchers speak out, criticizing you about the way you handled them. Your “Pitch-to-contact” mantra grew thin about 5 years ago, and if it wasn’t for Gardy’s loyalty, you would have out of a job years ago.

Injuries – You stole from me this past year. Sure, we could talk about your affect on the current roster with Nolasco, Mauer, Pelfrey, and Josh Willingham, but that’s not what you stole from me. You stole from me a year of seeing prospects like Miguel Sano, Byron Buxton, Meyer and Nick Gordon. You seemed to stick your nose in every top prospect this year and I am not happy about it one bit.

The Pohlad family and Dave St. Peter – You watched as the losing continued and did nothing. You sat there as the crowds at Target Field dwindled and you twiddled your thumbs. You celebrated all the attention (and profits) your beautiful new stadium received during the All-Star Weekend brought you all the while neglecting to step in and address the crumbling situation of the team you own and were hired to run. You have begun the rebuilding process after the season, but in regards to 2014, the list of grievances is long and winding with you.

And to you, Ron Gardenhire…..you are not on my list of grievances this year. Let’s just call it a Festivus miracle.

Happy Festivus, everyone. And to those who celebrate those other crazy holidays (Christmas, Hannukah, et al.), I wish you all Happy Holidays as well!

Until next time…

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