Minnesota Twins to be Sold: Jim Pohlad has Found a Buyer

Nov 4, 2014; Minneapolis, MN, USA; Minnesota Twins chief executive officer Jim Pohlad and manager Paul Molitor address the media at Target Field. Mandatory Credit: Brad Rempel-USA TODAY Sports
Nov 4, 2014; Minneapolis, MN, USA; Minnesota Twins chief executive officer Jim Pohlad and manager Paul Molitor address the media at Target Field. Mandatory Credit: Brad Rempel-USA TODAY Sports /
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The Minnesota Twins are reportedly being sold. Jim Pohlad has a buyer

According to multiple reports this April Fools, the Minnesota Twins are being sold. The Pohlads have a buyer and the deal should be worked out fully over the next few days.

No changes to the front office or to the coaching staff are expected. The new ownership group wants the transition to be as smooth as possible.

The Pohlad family have owned the Minnesota Twins since 1984 when Carl Pohlad bought the team from Calvin Griffith. After Carl’s death in 2009, control of the team went to Jim Pohlad.

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The news will be music to the ears of many fans who have become discontented with the longtime owners. Fans’ frustrations have been directed at meagre payroll increases and a perceived lack of competitiveness. The Pohlads repeated threats to move the team in the late ’90s and early 2000’s also didn’t ingratiate them with Twins fans.

The new ownership group is rumored to include the Coen Brothers. Joel and Ethan Coen are highly respected film directors, screenwriters and producers. Their work includes the classic films Fargo, The Big Lebowski, No Country for Old Men and Raising Arizona. Joel and Ethan are born and raised Minnesotans.

The Coen Brothers were not known for their interest in baseball but apparently the brothers have long been fans of the Twins. What the brothers lack in baseball acumen they make up for with business sense and managerial skills.

Minority stakeholders are rumored to include Prince and Bob Dylan. The artist formerly known as “the artist formerly known as Prince” and Dylan are also Minnesotans having grown up in Minneapolis and St. Paul respectively.

Asked to comment, Bob Dylan said, “Money doesn’t talk, it swears.”

The new ownership group is collectively known as the “Awesome Success Entertainment Group.”

ASEG hopes to change the name of the team to the Minnesota Dudes. The design for the new uniform resembles a bathrobe.

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I, for one, welcome our new baseball overlords.

A merry April Fool’s to you and yours.