Tsuyoshi Nishioka Book Update


In October, it was reported that former Minnesota Twins Japanese import Tsuyoshi Nishioka was set to write a book. Mike Berardino of the Pioneer Press has sources all over the globe and reported this today from the Winter Meetings:

Parker Hageman of Twins Daily has the chapter where the Twins stories are located.

Earlier we had an excerpt of Nishioka’s book right here on Puckett’s Pond. Sadly, it looks like the excerpt did not make it into the actual book. Do not fret. We have a Puckett’s Pond exclusive, the Nishioka Twins page.

Chapter E6

I kissed my model wife goodbye and said, “Baby, I’m heading to America, the land of fields of dreams and hot dogs. They promise me popularity and stardom for simply playing baseball. A thing that I am good at!”

“Sure,” she responded.

Knowing I had her blessing and her support I boarded a plane to a magical land called Mini Apple. I never understood why they called it Mini Apples. I saw no apple, but I really couldn’t see anything behind the cloud of smoke from the Marlboro bullets I was pounding in the player’s lot.

Life wasn’t too bad in the states until that fateful day in New York.

April 7, 2011, my Twins teammates and I were playing the New York Yankees and I was playing my assigned second base when a freight train hit me. A man by the name of Nick Swisher slid into my base and broke my leg. I was devastated. My armor had been cracked; my sliding shorts had been soiled.

I couldn’t deal with the breaking of my leg, at least not in America, so I escaped. In the middle of the night, I hopped a plane back to Japan and hired an actor friend of mine to replace me on the team. Apparently no one looked my friend in the face. I hired Robin Williams to take my place. I thought it was obvious enough to notice, but Bill Smith and the gang… well, y’know.

I decided to let Robin do whatever he wanted to do. Hell, I was a half-a-world away. I didn’t and still don’t care about my American legacy in the least. Turns out, Robin couldn’t get a job so he just tried to make it in baseball. We see how well that worked out. Finally he asked for my/his/our release when he got offered an acting gig in a Snickers commercial.

Now, he’s on a hit CBS sitcom and I’m back in my beloved Japan playing baseball.

I compare my two years in America to John Lennon’s ‘Lost Weekend’ in’73-’75. He went to L.A., I went to Minnesota. He released two albums, I stole two bases in my MLB career. He had a number one hit and I missed a routine in-field pop-up.

I know people make fun of me for that. Whatever gets you through the night, people. 

Collin Kottke is editor of Puckett’s Pond. Kottke can be reached at collinkkottke@gmail.com or via Twitter at either @CollinKottke or @PuckettsPond. Kottke’s personal blog can be found here.