Sigh No More

With all due respect to Mumford & Sons, Twins fans can “sigh no more”. Really, how can the first few weeks of the season be worse than this? I am no longer interested in excuses.

Small sample size? Nope, not convinced.

Bats will come around? Maybe at the All-Star Break.

The Twins have depth? In the outfield. Our backup second basemen has been equal parts Michael Cuddyer and Matt Hughes. Our #2 behind the plate is still working out his swing in Little League.

The Minnesota Twins have a great new* ballpark, that brings in fans and keeps our team motivated? Except when we play the Royals. Or upcoming against the Indians.

Starting pitching is so good the Twins put Slowey in the bullpen and Gibson is eagerly waiting in Triple-A? And Liriano still has an ERA above 9. Baker and Duensing have done their part too, giving up plenty of walks and home runs.

The bullpen has been solid? If you discount the opener and Wednesday against the Royals. What did Ron Burgandy say about Sex Panther? 60% of the time it works every time. That seems accurate.

The Twins have not one, but TWO proven closers? The Twins also blew TWO save opportunities last night against the Tampa Bay Rays.

When it rains it pours. Nishioka has a broken leg. Joe Mauer has two worthless legs. Joe Nathan has at least one mediocre arm. Kevin Slowey has bursitis in his shoulder.
So Twins fans, sigh no more because it can’t get worse than this. It has to get better.

My Lucky Twins hat continues to dominate the Twins’ lineup.
The Twins are now 0-5 when I do not wear my lucky hat, including a come from behind 2-run game winning home run from Johnny Damon in last night’s 10-inning thriller.

I wonder if I can start wearing hats at the office?

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Tags: Brian Duensing Cleveland Indians Fransisco Liriano Joe Mauer Joe Nathan Kansas City Royals Kevin Slowey Kyle Gibson Matt Capps Matt Hughes Michael Cuddyer Minnesota Twins Mumford & Sons Scott Baker T Tampa Bay Rays

  • Adriane

    This entry is hilarious…thanks for the laugh.

    Indeed it has to get better, and it will. Hey in 1991 we started out just about as poorly and we ended up walking away with 95 wins that year and a World Season Championship.

    I for one will be keeping the faith year in year out regardless. Keep up the good writing Twins Twins.

  • Eric Pleiss

    Faith I have. Patience, I do not. And really, the 1991 team was a Worst-to-First miracle. I’ll be happy if we’re competing for the division crown, and if we beat the Yankees at home, that’s a bonus.

  • Nate Gilmore

    Eric, don’t worry about the lucky hat. The real reason the Twins have been losing is that I keep forgetting to wear my lucky Rod Carew jersey. I put it on the last two days and everything was fine. I promise I won’t make the same mistake again!

  • Eric Pleiss

    Oh good! If we can work out some kind of schedule where you and I alternate lucky apparel I think we’ve got a decent shot to still win the AL Central. As for those pesky Yankees…